Eleven days ago, I received word that a friend and former colleague of mine had been given a few months to live. She had been treated several years ago for breast cancer, but it had returned and metastasized to her brain. It took me some time to process this information.
In my current job, I had replaced her after she moved to California to marry her boyfriend. Up to that point we had been co-workers and friends. We had co-authored reports and mountain biked together. We had professional disagreements, and had laughed so hard together that sometimes my sides ached.
Since she moved to California about 10 years ago, I don’t think we ever saw one another again. It seemed that every time she came to Alaska, I was out of state. The few times I was in California, she was gone as well. In e-mail messages and phone conversations, we began to wonder if we had become each other’s alter-ego, which would explain why we were never in the same place at the same time.
What do you say to someone who only has a few months to live? I don’t think "nice knowing you" is going to work here. I finally resolved to write her a note, and got her current contact information from a mutual friend yesterday. This morning, I put some note cards in my briefcase before leaving for work.
I was greeted at the office with an e-mail informing me that she had passed away yesterday. She was surrounded by the people she loved, and that loved her in return. How badly I wish she could have known that I was one of them.
And now I’ve got a pack of stupid note cards sitting here telling me that I should have picked up the phone eleven days ago and called her. I should have told her how much I admired and respected her, how much I enjoyed working with her, and how great it is to have been her friend. It shouldn’t have mattered how hard it was going to be to write such a note. If it would bring a smile to her face knowing that someone was thinking of her, any discomfort on my part was of no consequence.
My advice to you, if I may be so bold, is this: don’t wait. The Holiday Season is upon us. Many of you will be gathering with friends and loved ones that you only see once a year (or less). Don’t wait to tell them how much they mean to you – do it now.
Trust me on this. Don't wait. Do it now.